your parents love me but you hate me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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