as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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