Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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