They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
