you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
