Yo dont text me then not text me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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