the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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