i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
