bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
