Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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