I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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