I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
