You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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