I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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