Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
