Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
