I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
