I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
