It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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