I'm lost and stupid without you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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