his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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