then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
