my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
