Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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