I think I am morally bankrupt
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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