He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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