A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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