he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
