What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
