Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
