So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
