why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
