You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
