You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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