You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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