What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
