I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
