Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just gargled with NyQuil
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
