I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize