I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
