Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Randomize
