2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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