If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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