I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i out mim tonsoeep
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
