i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
