my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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