I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
