I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
