Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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