Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
