I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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