I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
