Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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