i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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