i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize