One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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