she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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