I just pynch a tree in the face
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
