Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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