Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
