I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
