i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
