if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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