i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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