I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Michael Bay diarrhea
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
