I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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