I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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