She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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