the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
