this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
