i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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