I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My vagina is officially offended.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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