Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
