Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
