Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
