You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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