Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
