Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
