You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
