It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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