My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
