Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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