The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
