OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
