woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
