She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
