omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
