my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
