Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just blew my weed a kiss
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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