Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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