It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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