I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Still dying that you shit outside
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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