the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
