I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
