yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
