Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
