mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
