You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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