Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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